


Take Me Out

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, I don't know, I like the idea of them being awkward and 18, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-07 21:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the party of the year. Tony's desperate to win the hand of the mysterious Natasha. Steve just wants Peggy to talk to him. Thor's counting on getting laid. Bruce would be happy with a night out with his friends.</p><p>Pepper wants a break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Natasha Romanov knows she’s hot.

This is a girl who has D cups to rival Victoria’s Secret models. This is a girl who sleeps in flimsy nightgowns and when she walks down the dormitory hallway in the morning to brush her teeth, actually _struts_. This is a girl who has mastered the art of seductive popsicle eating.

It’s freshman year and all the boys and half the girls on her hall have fallen in love with her. Darcy Lewis told Pepper Potts who told Tony Stark that Clint Barton, this weird archer kid, has been taking her out. Darcy knows because _her_ friend Jane Foster has psychology 101 with Natasha and Clint always walks her to the classroom door. Also, Sif Rowan, Thor Odinson’s friend, sometimes sees Clint and Natasha work out at the school gym together.

No one knows where she came from. Phil Coulson says she’s in his Russian Literature class and that she claims to have been born in Moscow. Steve Rogers points out that if she has an accent, it’s inaudible to any of them. No one bothers to ask why on earth Phil is taking Russian Literature. They’ve accepted that he’s a mystery.

Natasha seems to be eerily good friends with Nick Fury, the surly RA for their building. Bruce Banner saw her getting lattes with Clint and some dark-haired kid he’d never seen before. Tony considers staking her dorm room out until Pepper threatens to call campus security.

“Just because she won’t sleep with you doesn’t mean there’s anything different about her. Don’t stalk the poor girl.” Pepper says disapprovingly. She’s everyone’s mom. She cleans up your vomit, sets helpful post-it notes to remind you of that five page paper due in 24 hours and best of all, will bring you coffee when you’re pulling an all-nighter because you ignored her post-it warnings.

Steve says he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about a woman _that_ way. Steve isn’t really comfortable with anything. Whenever anyone mentions something he doesn’t understand (like snowballing or Kim Kardashian’s ass or Two Girls, One Cup) he’ll jut his lower lip out slightly and say in that same, tired voice that he’s “just a kid from Brooklyn.” No one knows what that means but Steve looks so much like a kicked puppy that they don’t push it.

“We’re not talking about Natasha in a weird way. I just want her to sleep with me.” Tony says and there’s a dull thud as Bruce hits his head on the cafeteria table. They are having their weekly Friday night carbo-load. Pepper has made the large meal mandatory in a desperate attempt to curb the amount of vomit in her life.

“I told you. She’s sleeping with Barton. Sif says they lift weights together twice a week.” Thor says proudly. There’s a moment where all the boys sigh softly, thinking of Natasha in yoga pants. Pepper looks disgusted.

“Maybe they’re work-out buddies.” Bruce says. Bruce is always optimistic. He will assume Natasha is single and interested in him until forcibly proven otherwise. Tony catcalls.

“That’s what she said.” He yelps, shoving his cheeseburger in his mouth.

“I don’t get it.” Steve says sulkily. He’s finished eating and is now taking delicate sips of milk because “calcium promotes strong bones.” Tony and Thor think that he was actually raised in a convent.

“It’s not funny.” Pepper says, shooting Tony a dirty look. Tony shrugs. Tony has taken to adding, “that’s what she said” after the most innocent phrases. It makes Steve nervous to think his speech is secretly infused with sex and annoys everyone else.

(There are a select few times Tony uses “that’s what she said” appropriately. The first of which was when Bruce was backseat-driving Thor and screeched, “Just pull out already!” Bruce refuses to drive with either of them again.)

“Can we stop talking about Natasha Romanov? There are plenty of pretty girls here.” Steve says finally. Even Pepper rolls her eyes at that. When Steve says “pretty girls,” he means Peggy Carter, the dark and beautiful tennis player. When she walks by, Tony swears he can see stars in Steve’s eyes.

“There are other hot girls here and we’ll have the pick of them tonight!” Thor says and everyone but Pepper and Steve grin.

Tonight is the biggest party of the year, or so says Phil, a junior.

“Okay, ground rules,” Pepper says. “We stay in a group. That means if you’re leaving, text me with whom and where. Secondly, I will be distributing condoms beforehand. Use them.”

Bruce raises his hand.

“What if she says she’s on birth control?” He asks. Tony snickers but Bruce is genuinely curious. Pepper sighs.

“Humor me. Also, if you are offered any sort of pharmaceutical substance, please do a quick Google search first. You’ve all charged your iPhones?”

“Yes _mom_.” Tony mutters. He's upset because the drugs rule was added for his benefit alone.  

“Good. Try not to get hammered. We don’t want a repeat of my eighteenth birthday party.” Pepper hisses. Steve pales and even Tony looks reproachful.

“That was an accide-“ Thor begins but one look from Pepper cuts him off.

“So we assemble at ten in Tony’s room for pre-gaming?” Bruce asks.

Tony smiles. This is what he does best. People say that Tony Stark is a engineering genius set to inherit millions of dollars, but what they don’t understand is that at the end of the day, all he wants is some vodka, blaring dubstep and a pretty girl to grind against.

“Assemble!” Steve cries for emphasis and they all smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to keep the actual location of their college as open-ended as possible so everyone can read a bit of their own college experience into this. So for all intents and purposes, the kids go to Cyprus-Rhodes University, which I stole from Greek. 
> 
> 80% of this is based off of actual experience I've had in college so before you tell me "that would never happen!"— it already has. I've had some weird adventures.
> 
> Reviews make me happy. :]


	2. Chapter 2

_i._

Virginia Potts’ therapist says that she is co-dependent. She borrows her friend Darcy’s friend’s psychology textbook, looks up the meaning of the term and writes a two page essay on why it’s an incorrect diagnosis.

Dr. Selvig doesn’t seem to know what to say when she shows up, binder of notes in tow with important points highlighted in pink. “I am not co-dependent,” she says brightly, arranging her color-coded spreadsheet of Issues To Discuss In Therapy. “I just am a highly organized person who likes to help people.”

Dr. Selvig sighs. “Virginia…”

“Pepper.” She corrects. She has been correcting people to use her nickname since birth. “But I can go by Virginia if you find that easier. It’s no problem. Whatever works for you.”

She scribbles “ _Selvig uses Virginia_ ” in her planner.

_ii._

Steve shows up at room 220 at exactly 10:01. He is nothing if not punctual, clean and respectful. His friends are routinely tardy, smelly and rude.

Bruce opens the door and a cloud of smoke billows out, smelling like something dead. Steve reflects that a few months ago, he might have assumed the odor was that of incense or maybe some sort of potpourri. He’s been at college for nearly a full semester now and he knows better.

Inside the room, Pepper is arranging little crackers with slices of cheese on them. She’s very pretty, as usual, with her hair up in a bun. Tony is mixing some sort of vaguely yellow concoction in a Mason jar and Bruce is lying on his bed, joint in hand, staring dreamily at the ceiling.

Steve sits down nervously on Bruce’s desk chair and takes a cracker. When the door flies open with a bang, he finds himself choking on it.

Thor has entered, brown paper bag in a suspicious bottle-like shape under one arm and pretty girl in the other. Bruce darts up and hides the joint behind him; maybe he’s concerned the girl is an RA? She certainly has the look of one in an over-large sweater and ripped jeans. Even Steve knows that that’s not party clothing.

“Phil took me to the liquor store and I met Jane!” Thor booms in that “I have the voice of Zeus” tone he’s mastered and shoves the girl, Jane, forward. She looks around nervously and Steve makes a point of smiling at her.

“Shut the damn door!” Bruce snaps. He’s only testy when he’s gone too long without smoking or when he fears his smoking is in danger. They all know it’s only a matter of time until Nick finds out Tony and his roommate house a petty drug-dealing operation.

“Hey Jane! You know Darcy Lewis, right? She is so sweet.” Pepper says, like a demented lap dog. She drags the confused looking Jane to the center of the room and sits her down with a handful of crackers. Tony looks her up and down and his eyes suddenly brighten. She’s _hot._

“I have rum!” Thor exclaims. He proudly shows the bottle and Bruce does a slow-clap.

“Cool story bro.” Tony mutters, shaking the Mason jar with force that seems positively homicidal. Thor looks hurt.

“It was a great adventure. While Phil was inside, Jane hit me with her car.” He says, somewhat sulkily. Thor thrives on being the center of attention. Usually that’s easy with his genial attitude and hilarious stories, but should the focus shift from him for just a moment, he could pout like no one else.

Pepper looked up as if expecting Thor to start oozing blood. Jane blushed and even Tony stopped making the world’s most violent cocktail and stared.

“You… what?” Bruce asked.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to call an ambulance?” Pepper cried, running around Thor and looking for signs of trauma. Thor laughed and Steve rolled his eyes. Another Thor-centric tale of bravery and valor.

“I am fine, just bruised. Jane was so upset that I felt the only way I could make it up to her was by inviting her to our get-together.” Thor says and Jane looks embarrassed.

“Make it up to her…? Because you were hit by…?” Bruce says slowly, trying to work out Thor’s logic. Steve thinks he understands Thor’s logic pretty well. It begins and ends somewhere around Jane’s chest.

“I’m really sorry.” Jane says. Pepper shushes her and tells her to eat some crackers and Tony makes a joke about road kill and Bruce rolls another joint. Steve is enlisted to help Tony pour out prodigious amounts of whatever he’s been mixing into red solo cups.

In honor of his near-death experience, Thor gets the first taste. He takes a gulps, savors it for a bit and then smiles. “Wonderful.”

Then everyone wants a try. Tony claims that if his father wouldn’t kill him, he’d become a bartender and he’s constantly trying to make new and weird cocktails. Some, such as the Gatorade and Crystal Light Supreme, are delicious. Others are not.

Even Pepper takes a cup. Steve feels left out, as he always does as everyone makes a big show of drinking together in turn. He knows drunkenness is wrong and he shouldn’t want to partake but it’s times like these he hates his stupid, bad heart and his stupid medication.

His jealousy fades as he looks at Pepper’s face. She’s just taken a sip and seems unable to choose between throwing up and dying slowly on the floor. Tony and Thor are obviously enjoying themselves. Jane’s crinkled her nose in a really cute way and Bruce looks green.

“This is revolting.” Bruce says after a moment. Pepper spits out the contents of her mouth in her cup, glad she isn’t the one to land the blow. This is another of Tony’s cocktail failures it seems.

“I thought it was delicious.” Thor muses, finishing his cup. “I agree.” Tony adds snootily.

“What is it?” Jane asks, sounding curious but also scared. Exactly the way one’s supposed to sound when they find out the meaning of life or something.

“It’s a Tony Stark daiquiri,” Tony says. “We didn’t have rum until now so I used vodka. And we didn’t have lime juice so I used Brisk. And powdered sugar.”

Jane shrugs and takes another drink and Steve decides he likes her. Thor is already pouring himself another and Pepper is trying to pretend she likes it to a concerned Tony. Bruce has apparently decided drugs are more appetizing and is back in his marijuana haze.

“For those of you so _disgusted_ ,” Tony shoots Pepper and Bruce dirty looks. “We also have white rum, via Thor. I have red vitamin water for you to mix it with in the fridge. Or we can do body shots. Your choice.”

Things settle into a familiar routine. Thor is trying to outdrink Tony while flirting with Jane who seems thrilled at his attentions. Tony is trying to convince Pepper to do body shots as she mixes a very conservative rum and coke. Bruce eating every cracker in the entire room at once while trying to get everyone to dance to music only he can hear. Finally he grabs Steve and they awkwardly mosh while Thor grinds the air. Even Pepper is laughing and by the time eleven comes, no one even really wants to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tony Stark daiquiri exists. It is not known as the Tony Stark daiquiri but the ingredients are the same. Yes, I have tasted it. Yes, it is horrid.


	3. Chapter 3

_i._

Pepper doesn’t know how she got onto a sofa or where her shoes are or why her head is spinning or why Tony is so close she could count his eyelashes.

She strains her memory all she can see is a pair of almond-shaped brown eyes intrinsically connected to pale, plump lips and _Oh God_ , she can taste someone in her mouth.

“Virginia Potts, are you listening?” Tony snaps and Pepper is drawn out of her reverie to see he’s only gotten closer and he looks like shit. There are bags under his eyes and he reeks of weed and liquor and something foreign that scares her.

“W-what?” Pepper says. She can’t get those lips out of her mind. She can imagine, quite vividly, the way they felt against her tongue and she shivers as a half-memory of an arm reaching down the side of her hips overtakes her.

“I just wish you trusted us because you obviously don’t and that is hurtful and God, Pepper. I am hurt and you can’t even see that.” Tony is blabbering. Pepper tries to focus, a colossal effort that makes her feel nauseous, and turns to him. She wonders if she can pull out her mom voice, what with vivid memories of carefully manicured nails up her dress and feeling like she is going to puke.

“I would never hurt you.” She says finally. The hand is moving in rhythmic circles under the silky folds of her nice cocktail dress and she can feel her own hand clasping something, inhaling lilac and sweat.

“Well, you already did. You really fucked it up this time Pepper. I mean, we’re a pretty accepting bunch but you have hurt me. I’m going through enough right now and you had to go and fuck me over. And you know what’s going on with my dad—“

Pepper’s head is spinning. A lone voice of logic, pinching and loud, insists that she play the part and comfort drunk Tony ( _Drunk Tony? More like drunk YOU_ ). Her body hurts like after she had to run the mile in gym senior year and she can taste something odd and exotic. There’s a pressure and the urge to alleviate suddenly trumps post-it notes in all the colors of the rainbow and pro and con lists.

She kisses him on the mouth.

There’s a moment where Tony is frozen and Pepper imagine his mind is reeling. He’s very drunk. Then, slowly, he relaxes into her grip. She tastes stubble and sweat and man and she knows this is very different than her earlier encounter. Not bad, per say, though Tony is clawing at her bra almost violently.

She doesn’t know if it’s good either, but she lets herself fall into the motions. Somewhere in the background, she hears chanting.

_ii._

__“And Pepper’s gone and Peggy went home with some guy twice my size and everything sucks.” Steve knows he’s whining. He knows he is being immature and it’s not manly. He doesn’t care.

Sitting on the grass next to him, Natasha Romanov is smiling and filing her nails. She got a full manicure set out of her purse and has been busy while Steve complains. Steve is glad. He’s never been so close to such a pretty girl and it helps that her attention is elsewhere.

“You like Peggy.” Natasha says tonelessly.

“Um, yeah,” Steve mutters. “She’s beautiful and athletic and always wears a plaid skirt.”

“What’s not to like?” Natasha says thoughtfully. Not meanly, but not seriously either. Steve can’t quite get the hang of how her voice works, of her tones and inflections. He wonders if it’s some accent, too miniscule to detect but just present enough to confuse him.

“Bruce is mad you turned out to be gay and Tony _will be_ mad in the morning and Thor made out with Jane and went home with Maria.” Steve adds sullenly. Natasha glances at him and straightens up. It reminds Steve of how his mother looked before a lecture. He tenses.

“I’m not gay. And if I was, whose business is that? I don’t owe it to your pathetic little friends to suck dick so they can have ample masturbation material. Also, stop complaining. You’re just jealous you had no fun because you’re too shy to talk to anyone.” It is the longest speech Steve has ever heard Natasha give and for a moment he’s too preoccupied with hearing her voice for so long.

She is pretty. Not pretty like Peggy, he decides, but very pretty. He swallows hard after a moment of consideration.

“My friends are not pathetic.” Steve says dutifully. “Or little.” He adds, thinking of Thor.

“Your loyalty is truly magnificent to behold. You should win a medal.” Natasha mutters. She drops her nail file and lies back on the vaguely wet grass. Her hair has fallen out of the perky ponytail from earlier and is spread out, curly and red and wonderful. Steve can’t hate her for her sarcasm. She’s lovely and besides, is probably too fucked up to know what she’s saying. He knows she didn’t drink all night but is sure he saw her share some white powder with her friend.

“Why are you here?” Steve asks finally. His back hurts and he suddenly wants very much to go to sleep in his bed without worrying about his friends being raped or mugged or left to die in an alleyway from a overdose he could have saved them from.

Natasha grins wildly, showing her blindingly white teeth.

“You tell me.”

Later, when a frantic Bruce interrogates him about the night, he just replies, “it was the thing to do.” This proves about as satisfying as his go-to “kid from Brooklyn” act and will drive his friends crazy for years.

Regardless, Steve finally has his first kiss in a muddy football field, surrounded by beer cans.

_iii._

When Maria falls asleep, quickly and deeply, Thor lies in her bed.

He thinks of her, of how _hot_ she is and how lucky he was to find her. He runs his fingers through her fine brown hair and runs his hand over her chest, rising and falling as softly as… A very soft thing. Thor knows he’s not poetic.

After he forgets about Maria, of the way she forced herself on top, smiling wickedly all the while, of how she kept her shirt on as a cruel reminder that she had all the cards, of how good she smelled next to him… It takes a while, but he forgets her and thinks of other things.

He thinks of how ugly her dorm room is, of what a stupid shade of pink she chose for her bedding. He thinks of his room, where Fandral probably has his own girl. He thinks of how his mother would disapprove. He visualizes his mother’s stern glare and suddenly wants to throw up.

So he thinks of other things. He thinks of lacrosse practice and how well he is doing. He thinks of playing fetch with Sleipnir. He thinks of Pepper’s faded eyes.

He’s thinking of Maria again when he finally falls asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

They assemble at the diner.

First comes Phil and as an act of mercy, orders a round of hot coffees. When Bruce has his first sip, he looks like he could kiss the older student. Bruce is not wearing a shirt, a fact that visibly annoys their server. He half expects to be thrown out and plans on tipping generously.

Next comes Thor. His hair is mussed and there’s pink lipstick on his neck but he’s cheerful and orders a stack of pancakes, bacon and a chocolate milkshake. By the time Tony and Pepper show up, bedraggled and blushing, Thor’s halfway through describing his night.

Pepper clears her throat loudly, orders a green tea and sits as far away from Tony as the booth allows.

When Steve comes, arm-in-arm with Natasha Fucking Romanov, everyone stares. Bruce makes a choking noise and buries himself in his eggs. Phil raises his eyebrows ever so slightly. Tony just stares into the depths of his coffee and mutters something about not being able to “handle this shit.”

Natasha and Steve are both showered and smiling. Steve decides to live on the wild side and gets a banana split while Natasha opts for a cheeseburger.

For a while they all sit in silence, drinking absurd amount of coffee and feeling gross.

“So how was the party of the year?” Phil asks finally.

 

“I don’t remember it.” Bruce moans. Natasha giggles and everyone stares at her. “This is Tasha. We met last night.” Steve says proudly.

“Nice to meet you!” Pepper says brightly. She’s always the first to perk up. They all introduce themselves slowly. The food comes. They eat.

“Tony,” Thor asks halfway through a bite of pancakes. “What’s that one your neck?” Pepper bites her lip very hard.

“Some girl.” Tony says.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Bruce offers.

“You say that now.” Steve says.

Pepper sighs loudly.

They eat in quiet, savoring the moment of calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND IT ENDS. I'm hoping to continue this into a series. I really like the characters. And the shenanigans. And second person as a tense.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to keep the actual location of their college as open-ended as possible so everyone can read a bit of their own college experience into this. So for all intents and purposes, the kids go to Cyprus-Rhodes University, which I stole from Greek. 
> 
> 80% of this is based off of actual experience I've had in college so before you tell me "that would never happen!"— it already has. I've had some weird adventures.
> 
> Reviews make me happy. :]


End file.
